Hey, when are we going to explore the other cafes and take photos? When it gets warmer…. you actually feel the cold?
No no, I’m not down, just reflecting again, had yet another shift or should I say a few… lol multiple…. us humans, honestly WTF were you thinking? Why are we so emotional? Why do we add so much meaning to everything? Why is it hard for some of us to let it go or just go with the flow? How did we add all these layers to our selves only to reach the point of having to peal them off to discover our true selves?
I was assisting at the Introduction to Leaders Course for Landmark. Yep them again. I had a shift whilst I was listening to the lecturer, which was great. But the greater shift was whilst speaking to the production leader.
Our parents have such a huge impact on us whether we realise it or not. How come you got us starting off on the wrong foot? What do I mean, well they pass along all their beliefs and values and judgments and anything else they think they are right about in their way of thinking to us. We go off thinking that’s the way life is until we grow up and mingle in with other humans.
This is where sometimes we get into a slight problem…. I have my beliefs and values (but they are really my parents…. and I haven’t realised that just yet) and I am not understanding why this other human is not the same as me, having my beliefs and values. Two things can happen, we can either sit there and discover our differences or we can argue.
We go through our lives starting to notice our faults, our weaknesses, and turn outwards to blame anyone, or someone or something for it. Our parents are the first targets. I don’t like confrontation because of my father, I walk on eggshells throughout my life, even till now at 46 years because of my father, I expect too much of myself because of my father, I act like the clown because of my father.
My poor dad, his ears must be burning. You know what my shift was? Of course you do but I will share it anyway. Finally turning the finger and pointing at myself. I am my fathers daughter, the good, the bad and the ugly. I saw my life flash before me, saw myself as the kid, I had never realised this until that moment, I idolized my father, I wanted him to be proud of me, I wanted him to stay happy even though there were times I hated him. I am 46 years, it’s time for me to take charge of my own life.
I realised my father did his best. Did what he thought and believed was the best for us. Yes, it would have been a lot better if communication was honest and open but honest and open was the almighty death stare. I would love to have a conversation with him about his fears, what his dreams were and his goals but he is of a different generation and culture. I feel my father is saddened by his own life, whatever purpose he was meant to fulfill….. lost, he patiently waits for you to call him……
It’s been an interesting journey this 2018 so far. Exhausting and exciting and at times I have felt alone. “My precious child, I love you and would never leave you…. when you saw only one set of footprints, that was when I carried you”. God just put in his two cents worth.
2018 has been one hell of year for me…. and we’re only half way!!!! Whoa…. living on a prayer….lol. Any clues on what else is yet to come? Oh please, a small clue. Bugger… I’m peeling my layers on my own.
Having a Coffee With God 
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