Conquer……..

Hey thanks for bringing over the takeaway coffee. Why am I frowning? Seriously? Look at my face, yes again, I am sick again, not happy Jan!!!

I have taken 3 days off work this week. My lounge is getting sick of me, it’s about to evict me, my nose has so many cracks around it, it has more canyons than the Grand Canyon. AND I have watched the re-runs of the re-runs of Everybody Loves Raymond and Frasier. Then at some point nodded off thinking I was having a half an hour nana nap only to wake up like I had a spider on my face and realise its been 2 hours and I’m drooling.

I have thought positive, I have willed it away, I have even yelled at the symptoms in me to get lost, that they have had their fun without my permission and the party is over. You couldn’t, you know, kind of, tell them to get lost? No… I don’t need an exorcism, I’m not possessed by a demon. If I was I would contact Dean and Sam from Supernatural. Have you watched Supernatural? You have? Wasn’t expecting the God character … oops was just about to give away the God character but just in case new viewers come along. Oh you thought it was creative move. Hmmm…. ok… I didn’t see it coming.

Anyway I reflected on my sickness issues yesterday and texted my bestie, “S” to confirm my thoughts and we are in agreement, I have been regularly sick for the past 18 months. So if I calculate back it was when I changed my medication for my MS. The new meds bring down my immune system, so my excitement of taking a daily tablet is now disappearing to the thought of heading back to the weekly self injection.

In my state of increasing my knowledge skills through reading, lol you like that sentence, yeh me too. Well, somewhere I read, I can’t remember exactly and I didn’t write it on the post-it note, it was said that you bring diseases to yourself. It had even said that there could be lesson you needed to learn. What possible lesson am I meant to learn by getting MS? Or some young child that gets cancer? Or any of the other multitude of diseases that are popping up?

I was minding my own business until I had that car accident 19 years ago and that wasn’t even my fault. Then the torture of being let down by my GP with not helping me discover what was wrong. It took me marrying the wrong man to put me through enough stress to lose the function of my right arm that I went to the GP next to my work who referred me to the specialist who sent me to have an MRI and boom….. there it was.

I don’t live my life thinking about it, but the rare moments I am taken back to that day, I remember being in the specialist’s office, I remember leaving and sitting in my car, crying for 5 minutes then telling myself ” enough, you have MS, get over it”. I think I should live the rest of my life with this attitude. I haven’t lived my life with fear of MS, I locked it away and just lived life, I didn’t make it my life….. hmmm, maybe that is the lesson I needed to learn? Maybe that’s the lesson we all need to learn?

Still sucks though. Thanks for the hug.

Damn, how do I throw in the WTF?