Yes my face says it all, I am upset with you. Why? Honestly mate, the flue, WTF!!!!!!!! This stupid flue has become my best friend. I don’t want this best friend and it doesn’t take a hint it’s not wanted. The antibiotics couldn’t even get rid of it. This one has not let up, since 16th March, yes get the gun and put me out of my misery.
Oh it’s not your fault, how is it not your fault? Don’t give me that innocent look. Can you catch this off me? Oh there’s the smirk, you’re nasty. Why did you include the added drama’s with this? What do I mean? Ok let’s start:
Cough. It can’t just be a cough, nooooo. It has to be either a dry cough that ends up leaving your throat feeling like sandpaper or the phlegm cough. Yes ewwww. And the worst part is when you can’t get it out and you end up having a panic attack as you can’t decide what to do and it’s stuck, but right when you panic you sneeze. Is that you giving us a helping hand? Yes Ewwwwww!
Nose. It starts on cue, and it doesn’t stop. Then the panic when you have run out of tissues whilst you’re in a public place. What did you say? Carry a handkerchief. OMG, Ewwwwwww. That falls under my separate WTF comments about the human race. Then it becomes red raw from blowing it so much that I could audition for Rudolph the reindeer. Oh but let’s not forget the congestion, especially at night and I have to sleep with my mouth open cause I CAN’T BREATH. Then you hope nothing crawls into your mouth.
Hang on it doesn’t stop there. Don’t give me that surprised look.
The fever . No it’s not like Saturday Night Fever, I’m not laughing at your attempted John Travolta moves, I’m too lethargic.
The chills. Oh dear God, stop it, it’s not Grease. No no you don’t have chills and they’re multiplying. That’s not your line it’s my line. Oh it’s not my line because you made me say it, you made me a bit of a comedian… hmmm I think some people might argue that point.
The voice. I think some people would be happy with this one, when I lost my voice. I saw you laugh. If the voice doesn’t turn husky, then you lose it or it’s both.
Temperature. One minute you’re hot next your cold but you must keep all your layers on or else you will get even worse. How is that possible?
But wait, there’s more, get the steak knives and your violins ready, because whoever has had a male partner will want to use them, the poor babies, they are saying the man flue is worse. In the words of my bff, “please release me”.
You know I could keep going. Oh you have no control, really? We’ve been told our body is our temple and we need to look after it. Are you sure about that? Bring out the contract please.
Having a Coffee With God 
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