Curse of the apple….

Hey God. How are you? So so, why so, so..? You don’t know.!!!! Are you serious? Oh go away, you’re pulling my leg.  Geez Louise, it wasn’t that funny.  We’re having the usual? Ok.

Had Mother’s Day the other day. Awww yes, my mum’s the best. Did you catch up with yours… oh hang on… you don’t have one, do you? Ok, ok, that’s going down a different path.

Anyway, although I have not been blessed with this experience as I am waiting for the appropriate male species to come my way (that my Divine father will be another coffee date), I think I can speak on behalf of all the women in the world, WTF were you thinking with the whole process of being pregnant, the delivery and the aftermath?

Don’t give me that look. Record states you got pissed off with Adam and Eve and you told Eve that as punishment she and all women would be in pain during childbirth. Now how do you think that’s fair? Why didn’t you just send them to the naughty corner? We weren’t there. I’m sure if you asked us now, some would not have eaten the damn apple.

And you said that women would have pain during childbirth, where in the fine print does it say:

1. Morning sickness, that alone is a big WTF.
2. You will crave strange mixes of food at odd hours of the night
3. Not only will your belly grow to hold the baby but so will your arms, breasts, thighs, backside, ankles and any other part that could possibly grow and that’s both getting fat and from swelling. You might as well be like the Micheline blimp.
4. Your emotional state will be as exciting or non-exciting as a roller coaster
5. The backaches.
6. Baby brains
7. Leaking nipples
8. Size of the baby that has to be pushed out.
9. Before and after the birth you will develop stretch marks
10. Good luck if your body goes back to its original shape, and that includes your Vajayjay.

The list does go on. Let me remind you that stupid Adam listened to Eve and took a bite, all he got punished with is he has to work for the rest of his life. I don’t think you thought this through fair and square.

Don’t give me that sheepish look. I want to see the contract!